you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
