I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
soo... how was my night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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