she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
