this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
