she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
