Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
