I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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