if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
