I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
