Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
