I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
