You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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