So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
