you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
