I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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