textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
