the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have tasted many bathrooms
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
