Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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