He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
