So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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