last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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