No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
