so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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