just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
