I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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