If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
