i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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