Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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