so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
