He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
