rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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