I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need to sanitize my soul.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
