So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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