We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
