just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
