My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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