the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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