So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
