Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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