apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I just put wine in my tea
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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