a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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