my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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