dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
