I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
