So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
