Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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