Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
