you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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