I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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