dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
