So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
