Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
