She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think i got beer on your cat.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
