Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
