im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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